I am getting fatter each day, I can feel it. I am less agile, less flexible, I have weaker stamina, and I can't jump as high as I could back then when I was a pro NBA Superstar. Char! Getting Old + Getting Fat = UNCOOLNESS! It's unbecoming of a pro blogger. I first felt the effect of my fattening when I got off a jeepney one time. I had a hard time keeping balance while avoiding the feet of other passengers, I almost fell. I was breathing hard after that endeavour.
SO there I was on the sidewalk, on my knees, breathing hard, with tears rolling down my cheeks, reminiscing the time when getting off a jeepney was a breeze. I was like a ninja back then. I nimbly skipped over the passengers' feet, with my toes touching the floor for a mere microsecond, after which I would end with a triple somersault dismount, land on both feet, with arms held high, a smile on my face, and pride in my heart. Now, this is what I am reduced to -- a fat ninja. I cry every night, because it's very lonely and I am fat. I am a lonely fat guy. That was why I decided to go to Abellana Sports Complex yesterday to join other fat joggingeros. Life is a choice... I choose to end my crying... I choose to be happy... I choose life.
The clock stroke 5, I coolfully went over to the Log-in-log-out Server to log out. Then I rushed out of the building like a raging bull, all fired up for the fat burning extravaganza galore. Luckily, a 62C jeepney was parked across the street, everything was in order, I was definitely fated for a fat burning extravanganza galore.
Inside the jeepney I was planning my fat burning regimen in my head. After a fiery debate with myself, I decided that I would jog for 30 mins, then join the tae bo class, after which I would cool down by jogging again. Then it hit me, like a fresh and steamy fecal matter in my face, I missed the corner that lead to Abellana Sports Complex 10 minutes ago. I lost my momemtum instantly. It bursted like a cute little bubble. It's hopeless, I'll be fat forever... I just wanna die. I didn't bother to get off the jeepney, I rode it the rest of the time. As the Jeepney turned at a corner a familiar sight came to view, its Manalili Street. This was where I reviewed for the engineering Board exams. I shouted to the driver: "Hey, Mr. Driver stop the vehicle now! Stop it! Stoooop!" But he didn't stop so I leaped off the speeding jeepney and rolled on the ground. I felt like Lito Lapid (my all time pinoy action star idol) for a moment. It was a glorious feeling. I had no rational explanation for what i did... My body moved as dictated by my heart. So I walked along the all too familiar street, then there it was my fave "tambayan" (not STARBUCKS) during the review -- a dirty Batchoyan. It was a small Bathcoyan that looked really dirty, but there batchoi was heavenly. I ordered the house's special (there were only two kinds special(with egg) and regular(no egg)), 3 "puso's" (cooked rice contained in diamond-shaped containers made from coconut leaves), and Jazz Cola. It was the best... I was full. Eating is so uplifting. Everytime I eat I feel happy and alive. Then I realized being fat is not bad. I just have to widen my perception for me to fit in it. Why should I be sad, I gained something didn't I? And for those people who said that I'm out of shape, you're dead wrong, ROUND is still a shape. Then I continued to walk down memory lane... happily.
Thank You Batchoy, you saved my life.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Pearly Angels, Consolacion Fiesta and Constitutional Rights
In a spur-of-the-moment decision, I visited Hazel in Danao City yesterday--I just wanted to see her smile. Normally, Danao is a 45 mins to 1 hr jeepney ride from Gaisano Country Mall, Cebu City, but yesterday wasn't an ordinary day.
My journey began at 3:30pm, I slept in the jeepney most of the time half-waking up everytime my hand lost grip of the bar, then finally I was wide awake when I reached Compostela (10 mins to Sabang, Danao City). I checked the time on the digital clock of my colored cellphone. Eureeekaaa! Holy siesmolgy! It was already 5pm, an hour and a half had passed. Did I overshoot my mark? I looked around for signs if what i feared was true. I looked in front, the gay man was still there with his overly-lip-sticked thick lips and baking-powdered face. He looked like angelina jolie 3 years (im being kind) after her death--Halloween is in the air. I looked from side to side, all the loose-light-blue-polo-wearing Mitsumi employees were still there, all asleep banging each others heads. Yosh! I was on track. Whew! that was a relief, but what happened during my unconscious state? How come an hour and a half had passed when nomarlly 45 mins to an hour would suffice? I am certain I am on the right direction, but what I wasn't sure of is if I am in the same dimension. Maybe I was magically transported to a parallel universe that simultaneously existed with our own and a pressence of the same instance in the same dimension would spell the disruption of the space-time continuum, which is as good saying that the world is doomed. Saving the world is in the palm of my sweaty hands. But I am not a geek, I am a cool guy with cool friends and a cool life, so I dismissed that thought.
Finally, I reached Sabang. I coolfully got off the jeepney, stretched a bit, straightened my cool polo shirt, and combed my cool hair with my sweaty hands. I sparkled like a rare gem as the afternoon sunshine caressed my whole being. I sat under the Umbrella Tree, still sparkling, and I waited for my princess.
Finally my princess came out of the gate. She instantly saw me even from a distance, who wouldn't I was a sparkling gem. I stood up as soon as I noticed that she noticed me. As we started to approach each other, everything started to move in slow-mo. We moved towards each other as though our feet didn't touch the ground -- we were floating. Then it started to rain rose petals. It was a miracle. She was a sight to behold. She smiled at me, I smiled back with a wink on the side. Everything was so bright. Everyone was anticipating our union. They all wore pearly white, silky dresses (even the guys). They were shinning like shiny, pearly angels. At last we were embracing each other in the middle of the National Road...floating...circling. As I heard her voice...Euphoria! As we embraced... orgasm in every aspect of my humanity. As I kissed her... I was REBORN. All the vehicles stopped to witness our glorious union. They were honking in glee as we were locked in a sweet embrace...floating...circling. All the shiny people gave out a thunderous ovation. All of these were happening while I was sparkling like a rare gem...floating...circling under the golden afternoon sunshine. Then the world went back to normal speed, the anticipating pearly angels turned into snobbish, stressed out factory operators, and the gleefully honking vehicles were zoomming by barely missing us.
We rode a Tricycle to Gaisano Mall, the one and only mall in Danao, to eat at the one and only Jollibee in Danao. After eating we road a tricycle back to Sabang to wait for a jeepney bound for Cebu. At Sabang we noticed that hoards of loose-light-blue-polo-wearing Mitsumi employees were waiting for a ride, and most of the jeepneys that were normally bound for Cebu City were cutting there trips to Lilo-an. When a rare cebu-bound jeepney would arrive people would crowd to it pushing and shoving just to get a seat. They looked liked vicious red bellied piranhas devouring a prey. After 15 minutes of waiting, we decided that it was impossible with this many people so we went inside an internet cafe to do a little surfing. So we surfed for 30 minutes hoping that there would be less people after we were through. After 30 minutes the situation was the same. It was hopeless. So we rode another tricycle to the place were the jeepneys nested. Finally we were able to squeeze ourselves inside a rare cebu-bound jeepney. Our journey to Cebu began. The time was 7:45pm.
We were cruising along the North Road when suddenly we met heavy traffic at the end of Lilo-an. What was this about? Maybe it has something to do with why the drivers were cutting there trips to Lilo-an. Whats happening ahead? Is this the disruption of the space-time continuum? Is there a terrorist attack? Or Maybe the Biomen are fighting a monster up ahead? If the latter was true I needed to call upon my inner beast to aid in the fight for justice and freedom. But then again, I am a cool guy so I dismissed that thought.
I coolfully waited for us to get through this hellish traffic. Hazel already showd signs that her inner beast was starting to surface, yet she was still poised and beautiful. I could not blame her, she was next to this pony-tailed girl with the fluffiest hair imaginable. Even without the wind, her hair bothered Hazel's face. What's worse is that the fluffy-haired girl moved her head a lot. i felt sorry for Haze, I would have switched places with her if only I could move. I can't feel my butt at that time. Then all of a sudden I saw a lighter on the floor. I picked it up then I lit the fluffy-haired girl's fluffy hair. If only I could!
Then the culprit imerged -- Fiesta at Consolacion. We(the commuters inside the jeepney) were subjected to such hellish torment, while they were having undisciplined fun. People were packed along the side walk some were walking along the highway. They were crossing the street in undesignated places. Posers were drinking along the side walk. And many more... I hope that at times like this the local government should prepare so that other people's Constitutional Rights would not be trumpled upon. It's unconstitutional. I demand for a recounting of ballots and all other ek-ek chuvaness! Char!
We Filipino's need fun, but it should be disciplined fun. We should know the difference between our heads and our asses. I dont know what that means... maybe it has something to do with wiping. We should wipe our asses and our faces as well.
The Moral of the story if up to you. If you found a Moral then your a genius, if not, rethink your life.
My journey began at 3:30pm, I slept in the jeepney most of the time half-waking up everytime my hand lost grip of the bar, then finally I was wide awake when I reached Compostela (10 mins to Sabang, Danao City). I checked the time on the digital clock of my colored cellphone. Eureeekaaa! Holy siesmolgy! It was already 5pm, an hour and a half had passed. Did I overshoot my mark? I looked around for signs if what i feared was true. I looked in front, the gay man was still there with his overly-lip-sticked thick lips and baking-powdered face. He looked like angelina jolie 3 years (im being kind) after her death--Halloween is in the air. I looked from side to side, all the loose-light-blue-polo-wearing Mitsumi employees were still there, all asleep banging each others heads. Yosh! I was on track. Whew! that was a relief, but what happened during my unconscious state? How come an hour and a half had passed when nomarlly 45 mins to an hour would suffice? I am certain I am on the right direction, but what I wasn't sure of is if I am in the same dimension. Maybe I was magically transported to a parallel universe that simultaneously existed with our own and a pressence of the same instance in the same dimension would spell the disruption of the space-time continuum, which is as good saying that the world is doomed. Saving the world is in the palm of my sweaty hands. But I am not a geek, I am a cool guy with cool friends and a cool life, so I dismissed that thought.
Finally, I reached Sabang. I coolfully got off the jeepney, stretched a bit, straightened my cool polo shirt, and combed my cool hair with my sweaty hands. I sparkled like a rare gem as the afternoon sunshine caressed my whole being. I sat under the Umbrella Tree, still sparkling, and I waited for my princess.
Finally my princess came out of the gate. She instantly saw me even from a distance, who wouldn't I was a sparkling gem. I stood up as soon as I noticed that she noticed me. As we started to approach each other, everything started to move in slow-mo. We moved towards each other as though our feet didn't touch the ground -- we were floating. Then it started to rain rose petals. It was a miracle. She was a sight to behold. She smiled at me, I smiled back with a wink on the side. Everything was so bright. Everyone was anticipating our union. They all wore pearly white, silky dresses (even the guys). They were shinning like shiny, pearly angels. At last we were embracing each other in the middle of the National Road...floating...circling. As I heard her voice...Euphoria! As we embraced... orgasm in every aspect of my humanity. As I kissed her... I was REBORN. All the vehicles stopped to witness our glorious union. They were honking in glee as we were locked in a sweet embrace...floating...circling. All the shiny people gave out a thunderous ovation. All of these were happening while I was sparkling like a rare gem...floating...circling under the golden afternoon sunshine. Then the world went back to normal speed, the anticipating pearly angels turned into snobbish, stressed out factory operators, and the gleefully honking vehicles were zoomming by barely missing us.
We rode a Tricycle to Gaisano Mall, the one and only mall in Danao, to eat at the one and only Jollibee in Danao. After eating we road a tricycle back to Sabang to wait for a jeepney bound for Cebu. At Sabang we noticed that hoards of loose-light-blue-polo-wearing Mitsumi employees were waiting for a ride, and most of the jeepneys that were normally bound for Cebu City were cutting there trips to Lilo-an. When a rare cebu-bound jeepney would arrive people would crowd to it pushing and shoving just to get a seat. They looked liked vicious red bellied piranhas devouring a prey. After 15 minutes of waiting, we decided that it was impossible with this many people so we went inside an internet cafe to do a little surfing. So we surfed for 30 minutes hoping that there would be less people after we were through. After 30 minutes the situation was the same. It was hopeless. So we rode another tricycle to the place were the jeepneys nested. Finally we were able to squeeze ourselves inside a rare cebu-bound jeepney. Our journey to Cebu began. The time was 7:45pm.
We were cruising along the North Road when suddenly we met heavy traffic at the end of Lilo-an. What was this about? Maybe it has something to do with why the drivers were cutting there trips to Lilo-an. Whats happening ahead? Is this the disruption of the space-time continuum? Is there a terrorist attack? Or Maybe the Biomen are fighting a monster up ahead? If the latter was true I needed to call upon my inner beast to aid in the fight for justice and freedom. But then again, I am a cool guy so I dismissed that thought.
I coolfully waited for us to get through this hellish traffic. Hazel already showd signs that her inner beast was starting to surface, yet she was still poised and beautiful. I could not blame her, she was next to this pony-tailed girl with the fluffiest hair imaginable. Even without the wind, her hair bothered Hazel's face. What's worse is that the fluffy-haired girl moved her head a lot. i felt sorry for Haze, I would have switched places with her if only I could move. I can't feel my butt at that time. Then all of a sudden I saw a lighter on the floor. I picked it up then I lit the fluffy-haired girl's fluffy hair. If only I could!
Then the culprit imerged -- Fiesta at Consolacion. We(the commuters inside the jeepney) were subjected to such hellish torment, while they were having undisciplined fun. People were packed along the side walk some were walking along the highway. They were crossing the street in undesignated places. Posers were drinking along the side walk. And many more... I hope that at times like this the local government should prepare so that other people's Constitutional Rights would not be trumpled upon. It's unconstitutional. I demand for a recounting of ballots and all other ek-ek chuvaness! Char!
We Filipino's need fun, but it should be disciplined fun. We should know the difference between our heads and our asses. I dont know what that means... maybe it has something to do with wiping. We should wipe our asses and our faces as well.
The Moral of the story if up to you. If you found a Moral then your a genius, if not, rethink your life.
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